Join Me In Building a Story

Let me tell you a story. Several years ago, I worked at Southern Wine & Spirits in Florida alongside Ben Block. Ben was a fellow member of the Windows team, and we managed stuff like storage, VMware, SQL, and a bunch of other applications. Ben and I shared the pale, flabby skin that marks so many of us IT geeks. (We both still have it, by the way – this isn’t an inspirational story about getting skinny or tan.) We ate bad food, worked long hours, and sat in office chairs the whole time. Oh, sure, we’d get up every…
And they wonder why my stuff is negative.

Blog Posts I Couldn’t Develop in 2011

I keep a list of blog post ideas in RememberTheMilk.comin case I run out of ideas.  After piling up dozens of them, I’m giving up and setting some of my favorites free.  If I couldn’t write these in 2011, I’ll probably never get around to it.  If you’re looking for inspiration, here you go: Why Bad People Hate Good DBAs – Developers hate us because we find flaws.  Sysadmins hate us because we identify hardware problems.  Network admins hate us because they can’t blame the database.  Just because people hate you doesn’t mean you’re doing a good job, though. 5…

PASS Board Brouhaha BS Bulletin

You, dear reader, have a real job that doesn’t afford you the ability to follow this kind of gossip, so lemme bring you up to speed. Dec 28 – Board Election Results Announced The Professional Association for SQL Server held their elections for Board of Directors, the people who shape the direction of the community, SQLSaturdays, and the annual PASS Summit.  Here’s the final tally: Adam Jorgensen – 1,026 Denise McInerney – 990 Rob Farley – 958 Sri Sridharan – 781 Kendal Van Dyke – 762 Geoff Hiten – 526 There were 3 spots open, so Adam, Denise, and Rob…
Although I'm not sure where my MCM beer opener went.

How to Pass the SQL MCM Exam

The number one question I hear from prospective Microsoft Certified Masters in the Yammer study group is, “How deep do I need to go on each topic?” The MCM is a relatively new certification program (as opposed to the MCITP) so there’s no boot camps or braindumps.  This makes it tough for candidates to feel confident that they know enough to splurge on the written test.  After all, this is a hell of a tough test, and at $500 per take, it’s not cheap either. Or is it? What if, out of paranoia, you spend the next three months of…
All better-looking than average.

How I Made the #SQLPASS Top 10 Sessions

This is the third year in a row that I’ve made the Top 10 Sessions at the PASS Summit list.  I’m really humbled and honored, and I can only think of one way to respond: with a Top 10 list of my own.  Here’s the Top 5 Reasons I Made the #SQLPASS Top 10 Sessions List: 5. I examined the feedback questions, n0t just the answers. Each year, PASS uses the same set of feedback questions to gather information: How would you rate the speaker’s presentation skills? How would you rate the speaker’s knowledge of the subject? How would you…

How Windows Phone 7.5 Worked For Me

I’m an iPhone user, and I just spent the last two weeks using a Samsung Focus as my primary phone.  The Focus runs Windows Phone 7.5 as its operating system, and I was curious to see how the software stacked up. Am I biased?  Well, yes and no: I’ve owned every iPhone since the original one came out, but I’m not so blindly loyal that I shelled out money for an iPhone 4S.  My iPhone 4 is good enough, and I’m not the kind of guy who wants to be seen walking down the street telling my phone what to…
I'd tell him I hate him, but he'd kick my ass.

Why You’ll Be More Interesting Next Year

You’re boring and overweight.  I know this because you, dear reader, are just like me – that’s why we get along so well.  So let’s work on this together. Steve Kamb’s Gun Show Steve Kamb (Blog – @SteveKamb), on the other hand, is interesting and fit.  I know this because his blog is named, his arms are the size of my legs (but not in that gross Ahnold way), and he’s living one of the most interesting lives I’ve seen. Steve turned his life into an adventure game – Steve’s Epic Quest of Awesome.  He’s built levels for himself,…

Why I Run Behind And Sideways

I’d like to thank my opening act, Dave Winer, for warming up the crowd. See, he was the featured guest on the StackExchange Podcast last week, and this week, it’s me. Let me bring you up to speed, kids, because there’s a lot of self-deprecating humor about to go down here that could be misinterpreted as bragging.  Dave Winer was a huge pioneer in the fields of blogging and podcasting, inventing some of the technologies that make it possible for me to write this post through my laptop and for you to read it through RSS.  Because I’ve been doing…
Windows Phone 7 from Klout

Why I Misspell in my #WP7 Tweets

Just got the new Samsung Focus from Klout for being an influential tech person in Chicago.  First impression: the OS is gorgeous, but man, the autocorrect is awful.  Perfect example – type oh-space-e as if you wanted to type “one” and the phone just leaves it as “o e”.  I could forgive that if the space bar wasn’t THE BIGGEST KEY ON THE ENTIRE KEYBOARD and it’s located right next to the N, just begging my finger to hit it by accident. I’d post pictures of all the wonky app user experience problems, but Windows Phone 7 doesn’t have the…

Why I Avoid Training Labs

When I read Tom LaRock’s post about training I had a Carly Simon moment – I was pretty sure his blog was about me. He said, “I see the phrase ‘SQL Server training’ tossed around a lot these days and often times it makes me want to stick a fork in my eye…”


Hi. I’m Brent.

That's me, Brent.

I live in Las Vegas, Nevada. I'm on an epic life quest to have fun and make a difference.

I co-founded Brent Ozar Unlimited to help make your SQL Server go faster. I also maintain sp_Blitz® and the open source First Responder Kit repo.

My current car collection includes a Jaguar XKR-S, Porsche 944 Turbo, Porsche 356 Speedster replica, and a Ferrari 328 GTS.

profile for Brent Ozar on Stack Exchange, a network of free, community-driven Q&A sites