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Treat Criticism Like Spam Email

10 years ago
blogging, career, presenting
8 Comments

When you do something – anything – you’re going to get criticized.

I used to lose a lot of sleep about it, but I’ve figured out there’s an easy way to filter criticism: treat it like incoming email.  Use a series of filters and scores to determine whether it meets your threshold, and if not, throw it away.

All criticism starts at 0 points.

Filtering the Critic

juiciest-peach
Is the critic anonymous? -5 points

Does the critic know me in real life? +5 points

Has the critic given me helpful criticism before? +5 points

Has the critic given me unhelpful criticism before? -5 points

Is the critic doing the same work I’m doing? +2 points

Do I respect the critic’s work? +2 points
(Note: this doesn’t require that they do the same work I do. For example, if I get a criticism from an artist that I respect, I’ll take it seriously even though I can’t draw a stick figure with a ruler.)

Does the critic have his own agenda? -5 points

Filtering the Criticism

Does it attack you personally rather than your work? -5 points

Is it filled with emotion? -2 points

Does it have rampant spelling and grammar errors? -1 point

Does it look like it took more than a minute or two to write? + 2 points

Does it include specific examples of how to do better? +2 points

Does it link to supporting evidence? +2 points

Was there more than a day between the action and the criticism, suggesting they slept on it? +2 points

Does the criticism echo concerns you initially had about your own work? +1 point

Putting the Score Together

15 points or more: thank them, and tell them that you’re going to do their criticism justice by thinking seriously about it and then responding more later.  Think on it overnight, and then start a private discussion with the critic.  They’ve done you a real service.

8 points or more: thank them, and spend a minute thinking through the criticism.  Are there any actions you can take right away to fix the problem?  If so, do it, and move on.

0 points or more: thank them, and file it away mentally.  You’ve heard it, and there may be something in here you need to act on, but no need to take drastic action.  It’s in your mental filing cabinet now and it will influence your behavior going forward.

Negative points: leave it alone.  They’re trolling you, trying to get a reaction, and what they said was probably designed to raise your blood pressure.  Look at the techniques they used, and learn to recognize them faster.  You’ll hone your internal spam criticism filter to the point where these types of critiques won’t bother you at all.  You’ll know what the critic is trying to do, and you’ll be above them.

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8 Comments. Leave new

  • K. Brian Kelley
    March 8, 2013 10:52 am

    Like you, I’ll look at the criticism, even if the source is less than helpful the majority of the time. Sometimes there is a speck of gold in all that dross. Sometimes I have a wrong impression of a person. And sometimes I’m being so boneheaded that someone who would normally care less feels compelled to call me out on it.

    Reply
  • Robert L Davis
    March 8, 2013 11:36 am

    This is a good skill to hone for presentations too. You really need to be able to recognize when to move on or when to further discuss someone’s disagreement when presenting.

    Reply
  • tobi
    March 9, 2013 9:38 am

    The nasty thing about trolling is that it works because the other person notices that it was *meant* as trolling.

    That’s why it often makes you mad.

    Almost nobody consciously recognizes that this process occurs, though. That’s why people often fail to ignore trolling.

    If a troll said to you in ernest “I want to make you angry” you’d just laugh. If he says “you should change jobs and fry hamburgers” you get angry. That’s inconsistent.

    Reply
  • Boris Hristov
    March 11, 2013 10:50 am

    Brent, that is a really interesting way of measuring criticism! Like it! However, how often do you see people that are actually ready to accept any of it no matter if it can win them only positives?

    Reply
  • @chuckboycejr
    March 12, 2013 1:06 pm

    I usually filter anything through the popular logical fallacies to see if there’s even an argument being expressed in the first place.

    If there isn’t a discernible argument, there is nothing to respond to.

    Reply
  • Criticisms are blessing in disguise |
    March 13, 2013 8:32 am

    […] Treat Criticism Like Spam Email (ozar.me) […]

    Reply
  • Bradley Ball (@SQLBalls)
    April 9, 2013 3:25 pm

    Man I wish I had read this last week, it would have saved me a few days. I really like the rating scale. I find the hashes criticism is when I know there is an element of truth to it (I could have done something better and I knew it). In the end you just have to let it go.

    This smart guy I know once said “don’t worry about the people who think you suck, they aren’t going to show up to watch you present anyway.”

    Reply
    • Brent
      April 9, 2013 3:57 pm

      HA! I do like that quote, although I’m not sure the guy’s smart. 😉

      Reply

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Hi. I’m Brent.

That's me, Brent.

I live in Las Vegas, Nevada. I'm on an epic life quest to have fun and make a difference.

I co-founded Brent Ozar Unlimited to help make your SQL Server go faster. I also maintain sp_Blitz® and the open source First Responder Kit repo.

My current car collection includes a Jaguar XKR-S, Porsche 944 Turbo, Porsche 356 Speedster replica, and a Ferrari 328 GTS.

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