Why Not Everybody Loves My Sessions

I spoke at my local SQL Server user group last month.  I delivered one of my very favorite presentations, and it’s got one of my favorite punch lines.  I ask the attendees where SQL Server does its sorting, and someone inevitably answers TempDB.  I then say, “Yes, TempDB – or as I call it….” TempDB: SQL Server’s Public Toilet You have no idea what other filthy, disgusting things people are doing in TempDB.  It’s a sloppy mess. I’m quite proud of that slide, and every single time I deliver that punch line – every time – it brings the house…

Blog Posts I Couldn’t Develop in 2012

No Comments
It’s that time of year again – time to let go of baggage and give it away as presents.  All through the year, I come up with all kinds of blog post ideas and I stash them in my to-do list.  Any that I can’t manage to flesh out by the end of the year, I share them here.  You’re welcome to use ’em as launching points for your own blog posts. Firing Clients to Save Your Reputation – I’ve fired a few clients over the years and I just can’t come up with a good way to write this up.…

Epic Life Quest Update: Leveled Up!

Life is like a huge role-playing game: you have choices to make every single day, and any choice can lead to fun outcomes.  The sum of your experiences, no matter which choice you make, can lead to you leveling up – being a better person.  Last year, Steve Kamb’s Epic Quest at NerdFitness.com inspired me to create my own Epic Life Quest, and I just leveled up.  Like Steve, I’ve set up my list of future achievements.  Whenever I knock out five of them, I hit the next level. Me and Erika’s Dad Here’s the tasks I just polished off for Level 2:…

Why I’m Returning My Microsoft Surface RT

Do not buy a Microsoft Surface RT yet. I’m typing this with gritted teeth.  My 24 hours with the half-baked Surface have been a frustrating challenge, a mix of love and hate.  I want want want this to work, but one problem after another have led me to come to the conclusion – a temporary one at least – that this thing just isn’t ready to ship. The Hardware is Unbelievable Every time Apple unveils a new gadget or laptop, my jaw drops and I wonder how they pulled off executing their industrial designs.  Their v1 designs look so beautifully…

Why I Keep eBaying Cameras

In the last year, I’ve bought and sold a handful of cameras.  I keep trying to find exactly the right one for my needs, and I’m just not having much luck.  Today, I’ll share my current moment of frustration. Sony DSC-HX200V: Built for Vacations Last year, I went on a couple of SQLCruises and I wanted a camera that was purpose-built for travelers.  I looked for: Built-in GPS – to automatically tag my photo locations Really, really high-powered optical zoom (in this case, 30x) Bokeh mode to automatically defocus the background 1080p video recording Panorama shots to capture the amazing…

Why I Preordered a Microsoft Surface RT

In my work as a consultant and presenter, I travel a lot.  My primary machine is an Apple MacBook, and I love it, but I need a backup machine in case the primary one dies.  My presentations (and consulting gigs) must go on – but I hate traveling with additional weight.  So what’s a guy to do? For the past few years, my backup machine has been a first-generation Apple iPad.  It handles most of the duties beautifully – keeps me busy on planes and trains, has 3G built in so I can connect everywhere, and is a wonderful conference…

How Klout and Acura Plan to Steal Blogs

Klout is a site that tracks social media influencers so that advertisers can give free perks to get the word out about their products.  I’m big in Japan, so I get perks from time to time.  In inviting me to this weekend’s perk (an Acura test drive), Klout and Acura sent me an email.  Here’s one part: 5. Respect Intellectual Property Rights Intellectual Property is the group of legal rights to things people create or invent. Intellectual property rights typically include copyright, trademark, and trade secret rights, as well as the right to use someone’s name, likeness or voice. Examples…

What I Thought of the Chevy Volt

Objects in mirror are way more dangerous than they appear. Oh yeah, and there’s no mirror. Back in the 1980s when my age was in single digits, the family across the street had an electric CitiCar.  These “cars” – and I use the term loosely – had no real safety devices, no air conditioning, and no power.  Here’s everything you need to know from the Wikipedia post: The top speed of any particular C-Car will vary somewhat depending on many factors, including: tire pressure, vehicle weight, alignment, brake drag, windows open/closed, transaxle oil viscosity, temperature, chemistry… I understood that the…

How Consultants Spend Their Week

I’ve had a series of strange jobs.  From 2005-2008, I was a jack-of-all-trades at a $7b distribution company – doing SQL Server, VMware, and storage work.  I functioned kind of as an internal consultant.  From 2008-2010, I worked for Quest Software as a SQL Server expert/evangelist.  Today, I’m a SQL Server consultant working for a company I co-founded. So what do I do, really?  Let’s look at a random week’s schedule when I’m at home: Monday – “free” day – I wake up, walk the dog, brew the coffee, and get into the home office by 7am.  My peak thinking…

Why I Quit My Job(s)

I’m far from a job-hopper – I like to stick with a company for as long as I can.  The grass looks greener on the other side of the fence because it’s Astroturf.  But when you’re in a long-term relationship – whether it’s with a company or your significant other – the tiniest things can drive you crazy.  We start to dwell on those small problems, and they bother us more and more until we’re ready to walk away and start again somewhere else over the tiniest thing.  Maybe we got passed up for that 3% raise this year, or…

Hi. I’m Brent.

That's me, Brent.

I live in Las Vegas, Nevada. I'm on an epic life quest to have fun and make a difference.

I co-founded Brent Ozar Unlimited to help make your SQL Server go faster. I also maintain sp_Blitz® and the open source First Responder Kit repo.

My current car collection includes a Jaguar XKR-S, Porsche 944 Turbo, Porsche 356 Speedster replica, and a Ferrari 328 GTS.

profile for Brent Ozar on Stack Exchange, a network of free, community-driven Q&A sites