I spoke at my local SQL Server user group last month. I delivered one of my very favorite presentations, and it’s got one of my favorite punch lines. I ask the attendees where SQL Server does its sorting, and someone inevitably answers TempDB. I then say, “Yes, TempDB – or as I call it….”
TempDB: SQL Server’s Public Toilet
You have no idea what other filthy, disgusting things people are doing in TempDB. It’s a sloppy mess.
I’m quite proud of that slide, and every single time I deliver that punch line – every time – it brings the house down. The room erupts into laughter, and I’ve got the audience eating out of my hand.
Well, most of the audience. Here’s two comment cards from that night’s session:
The good, the bad, and the ugly. The ugly being me.
The feedback form on the left screams at me – in all caps, no less – that TempDB is not a public toilet, and I need to lose the poop humor. (Mind you, that’s the only poop joke I used in the entire session, I never actually said the word poop.) That comment was the only negative one I received.
The feedback form on the right is more representative of the rest of the comments, most of which raved about the public toilet joke. They didn’t use all caps (well, aside from the DBCC syntax) but the fact that they even referred to one of my slides is killer.
Both Comments Are Completely Valid.
It’s easy to think about flipping the bird to the person who wrote the form at the left, but their opinion is completely valid. Some people don’t want any humor whatsoever in their educational material. They want to read things like Books Online, and they love Microsoft’s official training sessions. They want to learn what they need to learn, and then they want to get the heck out. They’re not working with databases because they have some kind of passionate love for data – they’re just cashing a check. They have lives they want to get back to, and every minute spent joking around is time lost.
It may come as a surprise to you, but these people are in the majority.
See, dear reader, you and I are somewhat unusual. We really love technology, and we have a good time with it. Doing fun things with databases makes us smile. Sharing the joy with other people makes us smile even more. We like to laugh while we learn.
I say “we” because you and I have a lot in common. You’ve already somehow stumbled into my blog, and when you get here, you kind of already know what to expect. I’m irreverent, blunt, honest, and I love sharing the fun that I’m having.
But sometimes people stumble in here without knowing what to expect, and … they’re not happy. They don’t want to waste time with non-technical details. They don’t want their databases compared with Port-A-Potties. They see technology as a serious business, and they’re offended that I would compare software to a smelly sewer. They’re not wrong – they’re just not who I’m writing for. I’m writing for people who think like me.
I Want Raving Fans.
I don’t mean that I want people to carry me out of my sessions, or that I want to do stage diving. (Although at some point at a major conference, I am determined to stage dive.) I just mean that I want to share my knowledge with people who also happen to share my sense of humor and passion for technology.
I don’t write passive, bland stuff trying not to offend.
I write raving, passionate stuff trying to excite.
Every time I present, my goal is to give everybody in the audience a “Holy Shit!” moment. (And of course, just by using that term, I’m going to offend people – the exact same people who were offended by the TempDB toilet joke.) I want to surprise and delight people by relating technology to everyday concepts that they already understand. I want to make impossibly tough concepts very easy to understand.
In making my omelets, I’m going to break a few eggs. Not everybody’s going to like what I do – but if I aimed for universal like-ability, then nobody would actually rave about me. I don’t want like – I want love, and in order for someone to love you, somebody’s gonna hate you.
14 Comments. Leave new
As evidenced by comments and feedback I get, I can be polarizing as well. It doesn’t matter how you level the session. People will say it’s too advanced or they knew it all, it was a 100 session. You could be funny or not, someone will ding you for it either way. You can be 100% factual and on the money, but if someone doesn’t like what you say, instant ding. I think people know I’m definitely not passive and speak my mind 🙂 I’m certainly passionate about what I do and what I speak on. Like you, not everyone is going to like what I have to say even if I’m not joking. That’s OK. But I certainly won’t steer you in the wrong direction.
You know, Rob Farley gets similar feedback. He doesn’t get high scores, but boy does he have raving fans. (I’m one.) You can’t please all of the people all of the time.
I’ve been doing it too long to really worry about it. The funny thing I’ve observed is that if you have been at it like I have for so long, people will pigeonhole you. If I try to do a non-HA topic, I get dinged way more (even if I know it’s a killer session) than if I do, say, a clustering session. Just the way it works. Shut up about other stuff cluster, boy 🙂
Allan, I’ve been trying to make sure I do enough a breadth of topics that I don’t get pigeon-holed as “just security.” I feel your pain, just not as acutely as you do.
And Brent, if you’re going to stage dive, you’ve got it all wrong. You need to don the Macho jacket with the Macho glasses and the Macho hat and land an elbow on a prop you’ve positioned below. Then hand out Slim Jims.
It is what it is. Right now I am sticking to HA-related topics for a few reasons, not the least of which there are a lot of changes in 2012 (Windows and SQL). Everybody and their uncle wants to talk AG-related and I don’t feel like I need to be the only one doing it (Brent does a good job on it, if you didn’t know). I’m flattered people think of me that way as an HA guy.
That said, if I see there are a ton of submissions for a topic like AGs, I won’t try to one up anyone. I’ll do a different angle or topic altogether. Looks like I have WSFC and FCI all to myself for the forseeable future (lol), but it feeds the pigeonhole beast.
Holy shit, sir, I feel like I just read something I wrote myself! Bravo to you for staying true to who you are, an unashamed geek who loves what he does! Amen, my friend. I share your enthusiasm and can totally relate to what you are saying about those that do not. I am surprised that the “majority” aren’t with us. Or maybe that’s because I tend to only network with those that think like we do. 🙂
Ha Ha…. you said poop!
Here’s my two cents. In any form of teaching (paid or not) what I take from the session all depends on the efforts I put into. If I see a session labeled as advance and the materials only cover basic installation information and such then it is not what I need. However, just because I see the material as a 100 level course doesn’t mean it is not advanced to others.
I really have to base my decision on the description of the course. If I have further questions then I take the next step and will contact the person or the establishment that is hosting the session and begin my questioning.
People like yourself Brent, who offer training to the masses I really admire. I continuously read blogs, articles, books and conduct my own testing and such to be able to give back as you do one day. I enjoy the humor as in most cases sessions are often dry and humor let’s me know you’re not a droid. Or worse, some guy who’s looking to collect a check and goes through the course book word for word.
The insights you reveal really speaks highly of your experience (or battle scars) and are worth paying for. In the last two years I have a new found perspective of SQL Server working along side Tim Edwards (aside from keeping his coffee cup filled at all times). I am not at your or Tim’s level but I’m getting there. I got you on my looks though! 🙂
To keep my comment short… I appreciate what you do and you humor is always welcomed and if you need someone to “mean mug” those who don’t like your humor… I really can’t help you because I am just too pretty!
I once did a whole-day workshop and a series of sessions on SQL Server HA/DR. After the week, I read the feedback forms and all but one gave me fantastic scores and raving feedback. The one that didn’t commented, “this was the WORST I’ve attended in this conference, from the workshop to the breakout sessions.” I laughed when I saw the comment because, clearly, he was in all of my sessions just so he can say that it was the WORST in the whole conference.
We can’t please everybody. And we shouldn’t have to. Just like we shouldn’t be targeting everyone as potential customer. The important thing is being yourself and you’ve been that, Master Brent. So, where did Bob Dylan go?
a microsoft mvp who dissed a microsoft product, well what did they expect. now you have to come up with another ‘porta potty’-ish analogy because future attenders have had their surprise ruined. i wish i could attend a conference, jokes or not.
Heh – I’ve been using that same joke since TechEd 2010 in New Orleans, and it still goes over really well. I’ll keep that one in rotation. 😀
Brent, I’ve seen you publicly and I’ve hired you as a consultant. You are awesome and very humorous in all that you do. My bosses listened one time when your humor was at it’s best. They hired you and that’s a law firm. Stick to your guns bud and keep up the great work. I’m sure it was a developer who was embarrassed about his/her over usage of tempdb that wrote that. You are perfectly correct in your statement and I’ve even read another book that quotes your public toilet statement and he indicated it was a perfect statement.
HAHAHA, thanks sir!
I kind of came to take ‘tempdb is a public toilet’ as common knowledge, so I had a fun episode once where I referenced it in a big meeting and one of the people there was perplexed and scandalized. Probably a lot of confusion due to the fact I generally hype SQL Server as a great thing, and suddenly there I was calling part of it a toilet. Everything turned out OK in the end but it reminded me to be more aware of my own audience haha.