Treat Criticism Like Spam Email

Posted on by Brent Posted in Blog Posts | 8 Comments

When you do something – anything – you’re going to get criticized.

I used to lose a lot of sleep about it, but I’ve figured out there’s an easy way to filter criticism: treat it like incoming email.  Use a series of filters and scores to determine whether it meets your threshold, and if not, throw it away.

All criticism starts at 0 points.

Filtering the Critic

juiciest-peach
Is the critic anonymous? -5 points

Does the critic know me in real life? +5 points

Has the critic given me helpful criticism before? +5 points

Has the critic given me unhelpful criticism before? -5 points

Is the critic doing the same work I’m doing? +2 points

Do I respect the critic’s work? +2 points
(Note: this doesn’t require that they do the same work I do. For example, if I get a criticism from an artist that I respect, I’ll take it seriously even though I can’t draw a stick figure with a ruler.)

Does the critic have his own agenda? -5 points

Filtering the Criticism

Does it attack you personally rather than your work? -5 points

Is it filled with emotion? -2 points

Does it have rampant spelling and grammar errors? -1 point

Does it look like it took more than a minute or two to write? + 2 points

Does it include specific examples of how to do better? +2 points

Does it link to supporting evidence? +2 points

Was there more than a day between the action and the criticism, suggesting they slept on it? +2 points

Does the criticism echo concerns you initially had about your own work? +1 point

Putting the Score Together

15 points or more: thank them, and tell them that you’re going to do their criticism justice by thinking seriously about it and then responding more later.  Think on it overnight, and then start a private discussion with the critic.  They’ve done you a real service.

8 points or more: thank them, and spend a minute thinking through the criticism.  Are there any actions you can take right away to fix the problem?  If so, do it, and move on.

0 points or more: thank them, and file it away mentally.  You’ve heard it, and there may be something in here you need to act on, but no need to take drastic action.  It’s in your mental filing cabinet now and it will influence your behavior going forward.

Negative points: leave it alone.  They’re trolling you, trying to get a reaction, and what they said was probably designed to raise your blood pressure.  Look at the techniques they used, and learn to recognize them faster.  You’ll hone your internal spam criticism filter to the point where these types of critiques won’t bother you at all.  You’ll know what the critic is trying to do, and you’ll be above them.

How I Cleaned Up My Desk Cabling

Posted on by Brent Posted in Blog Posts | 15 Comments

My idea of the perfect desk would be something straight out of the Apple store – bare tables with no visible wiring.  Back here in reality, though, I’ve got monitor cabling, device chargers, microphone and speaker cabling, etc, etc.  Every year or two, I take a shot at making a really clean, minimalist desk, and here’s how it turned out this weekend:

State of the Office 2013

State of the Office 2013

It’s hard to really appreciate it until you see it from behind:

Back of the Desk

Back of the Desk

Yes, that’s Ernie’s ears peeking out from her black chair.  That used to be my chair, but as soon as I got my new one, she started sitting in the old one, so now it’s her official chair.  She loves sleeping in that chair while I work.  The sculpture on the left side of the desk is a monkey riding a horse.  It’s a Feng Shui thing.  Erika lays out the house according to Feng Shui principles, and I smile and nod because it seems to work – the house has great energy.

Only three cables go into the laptop: power, Thunderbolt for the display, and USB3.  The USB3 goes into the Blue Lounge Cable Box Mini.  It’s a simple white plastic box with a removable top, and you can stuff it with all kinds of devices.  It comes with a perfectly sized 4-outlet surge protector, but I pulled that out and replaced it with a 7-port USB 3.0 hub.  Here’s what it looks like with the top off:

Blue Lounge Cable Box Mini

Blue Lounge Cable Box Mini

I plug all my charging cables into there, and I’ve since thrown a small USB hard drive in there too.  If that’s not enough space for you, there’s also a bigger cable box that’s suitable for full size surge protectors.  My electrical stuff is mounted under the desk:

Powerful Setup

Powerful Setup

I drilled a couple of screws into my desk surface, and the surge protector clips right onto those.  I’m using large 3M Command cable clips to hold the electric cables in place here.  They remove easily and leave no goop behind.  (I use the Command picture-hanging clips throughout the house too – fantastic for us renters.)

I mounted a Belkin Ultra-Slim USB hub to the back of the desk for keyboard, webcam, and Blue Yeti microphone hookups:

Belkin Ultra-Slim USB Hub

Belkin Ultra-Slim USB Hub

The big silver wingnut bracket is the bottom of the Ergotron MX monitor arm mounted to the desk.  The USB cables go up to that arm and inside of it:

Ergotron Monitor Arm

Ergotron Monitor Arm

The monitor arm works great – I can raise and lower the monitor easily.  When I’m not working too hard, I lower the monitor to flush with the desk so that I can see over it and look out at the Shedd Aquarium, the Adler Planetarium, the Field Museum, Lake Shore Drive, and Lake Michigan:

Wintry Chicago Afternoon

Wintry Chicago Afternoon

All in all, I’m quite happy with this year’s office cleanup.  This is the cleanest my office has ever looked, and the only cable going into the desk is for power.  No, no audio cables going out to speakers.  Audio in the room is supplied by a Griffin Twenty, the little white box with a volume knob on the right side of my standing desk:

Standing Desk

Standing Desk

The Griffin Twenty is a 20-watt audio amp that has a built-in mount for a last-generation Apple Airport Express.  The Express is a WiFi/Ethernet device with a lot of tricks, including an audio jack.  It acts as an AirPlay wireless speaker, so I can simply route my iTunes playback from my laptop out to the AirPort, which drives the Griffin Twenty.

Every now and then when I’ll be on a long WebEx – especially if I’m presenting – I unplug my laptop and put it on the standing desk instead.  It feels much more natural to talk and present while standing up.

Other gear I’m using to organize the office:

  • Twelve South Hi-Rise - airy, lightweight, height-adjustable laptop stand.  Best stand I’ve ever used.
  • Blue Lounge Sumo – a little paperweight that holds your cables in place.
  • Rain Design mStand – the curved aluminum laptop stand at my standing desk.
  • Twelve South PlugBug – piggybacks onto an Apple power supply to add a separate USB charging port that works whether your laptop is on or off and doesn’t slow down charging your laptop battery.
  • Microsoft Natural Keyboard – it’s old, it’s loud, but man, it’s comfortable.  I can type all day on this thing and not notice it, but when I switch to a non-ergonomic keyboard, I notice the effects within hours.  I keep a silent Apple Bluetooth keyboard in the closet for webcasts.

A few other setup notes:

  • The desk is a Room and Board Portica, 72″ x 30″ with maple butcher block top.  I was tired of rickety desks that wiggled when I typed, and the Portica is rock freakin’ solid.
  • The Blue Yeti microphone is off to the side, unplugged, because I only plug it in when I’m doing webcasts.  I put it right in front of the monitor, and obviously I don’t like staring at a microphone the rest of the time.
  • Keen eyes will note that the monitor has discoloring at the bottom right next to the trash can in the dock.  I’ve had that monitor for years – a cheap $300 28″ model – and I spilled coffee into it last week.  I’m holding out for a Retina-quality monitor, though.  Once you see Retina pixel density, it’s hard to go back.

Why Not Everybody Loves My Sessions

Posted on by Brent Posted in Blog Posts | 11 Comments

I spoke at my local SQL Server user group last month.  I delivered one of my very favorite presentations, and it’s got one of my favorite punch lines.  I ask the attendees where SQL Server does its sorting, and someone inevitably answers TempDB.  I then say, “Yes, TempDB – or as I call it….”

TempDB: SQL Server's Public Toilet

TempDB: SQL Server’s Public Toilet

You have no idea what other filthy, disgusting things people are doing in TempDB.  It’s a sloppy mess.

I’m quite proud of that slide, and every single time I deliver that punch line – every time – it brings the house down.  The room erupts into laughter, and I’ve got the audience eating out of my hand.

Well, most of the audience.  Here’s two comment cards from that night’s session:

 

The good, the bad, and the ugly. The ugly being me.

The good, the bad, and the ugly. The ugly being me.

The feedback form on the left screams at me – in all caps, no less – that TempDB is not a public toilet, and I need to lose the poop humor.  (Mind you, that’s the only poop joke I used in the entire session, I never actually said the word poop.)  That comment was the only negative one I received.

The feedback form on the right is more representative of the rest of the comments, most of which raved about the public toilet joke.  They didn’t use all caps (well, aside from the DBCC syntax) but the fact that they even referred to one of my slides is killer.

Both Comments Are Completely Valid.

It’s easy to think about flipping the bird to the person who wrote the form at the left, but their opinion is completely valid.  Some people don’t want any humor whatsoever in their educational material.  They want to read things like Books Online, and they love Microsoft’s official training sessions.  They want to learn what they need to learn, and then they want to get the heck out.  They’re not working with databases because they have some kind of passionate love for data – they’re just cashing a check.  They have lives they want to get back to, and every minute spent joking around is time lost.

It may come as a surprise to you, but these people are in the majority.

See, dear reader, you and I are somewhat unusual.  We really love technology, and we have a good time with it.  Doing fun things with databases makes us smile.  Sharing the joy with other people makes us smile even more.  We like to laugh while we learn.

I say “we” because you and I have a lot in common.  You’ve already somehow stumbled into my blog, and when you get here, you kind of already know what to expect.  I’m irreverent, blunt, honest, and I love sharing the fun that I’m having.

But sometimes people stumble in here without knowing what to expect, and … they’re not happy.  They don’t want to waste time with non-technical details.  They don’t want their databases compared with Port-A-Potties.  They see technology as a serious business, and they’re offended that I would compare software to a smelly sewer.  They’re not wrong – they’re just not who I’m writing for.  I’m writing for people who think like me.

I Want Raving Fans.

I don’t mean that I want people to carry me out of my sessions, or that I want to do stage diving.  (Although at some point at a major conference, I am determined to stage dive.)  I just mean that I want to share my knowledge with people who also happen to share my sense of humor and passion for technology.

I don’t write passive, bland stuff trying not to offend.

I write raving, passionate stuff trying to excite.

Every time I present, my goal is to give everybody in the audience a “Holy Shit!” moment.  (And of course, just by using that term, I’m going to offend people – the exact same people who were offended by the TempDB toilet joke.)  I want to surprise and delight people by relating technology to everyday concepts that they already understand.  I want to make impossibly tough concepts very easy to understand.

In making my omelets, I’m going to break a few eggs.  Not everybody’s going to like what I do – but if I aimed for universal like-ability, then nobody would actually rave about me.  I don’t want like – I want love, and in order for someone to love you, somebody’s gonna hate you.

Blog Posts I Couldn’t Develop in 2012

Posted on by Brent Posted in Blog Posts | Leave a comment

It’s that time of year again – time to let go of baggage and give it away as presents.  All through the year, I come up with all kinds of blog post ideas and I stash them in my to-do list.  Any that I can’t manage to flesh out by the end of the year, I share them here.  You’re welcome to use ‘em as launching points for your own blog posts.

Firing Clients to Save Your Reputation - I’ve fired a few clients over the years and I just can’t come up with a good way to write this up.  Sometimes people want me to turn Cheese Whiz into cheesecake, and even though I might be able to pull it off, I don’t want to leave that behind for another consultant to find.  I’ve walked into shops and heard the customer say, “So-and-so is an MVP consultant and he left us with this” – and I don’t wanna be that guy.

How to Do a Good Job at Anything – There’s only four steps.  Read the manual, ask Google the right questions, document what you do, and ask your users/customers if they’re happy.

Here’s to Great IT Managers – Most IT managers come from a technical background.  They did a great job managing some technical system (sysadmin, DBA, programmer, whatever) and they got promoted into managing the team.  Thing is, good technical skills don’t make us good at managing people.  When I meet a great IT manager, I’m just so impressed and it makes life so much easier.

I’m Part of the 1% – Not because I make a lot of money, but because people call me in when systems are going down.  They want 99% uptime (or usually much higher), but when they can’t get it, they call me in to fix that other 1%.

To Serve and Protect – The DBA’s job is like a police officer.  We’re here to both serve and protect, and we can’t only do one.  We can’t be jerks about denying people access or making them redo all their work, and at the same time, we can’t be doormats who let everybody be sysadmins.  (Related post idea: DBAs – Democracy or Dictatorship?)

Best Practices for Managing Over 1,000 Databases Per Instance – I’ve got a few clients actually doing this, and it does change a few things about database administration.  You can’t just use a single job for transaction log backups or log shipping, for example – it’ll take too long to cycle through all the databases.  You can’t expect any plans to remain in the cache.  You can’t even use SSMS’s Object Explorer the same way.

Developer’s Bill of Database Rights and Wrongs – You have the right to a reliable database server that’s free of corruption. You have the right to get a list of the most resource-intensive execution plans over the last week.  You don’t have the right to run queries, even read-only queries, in production because out-of-control queries or locks can harm end users.

How to Answer a Question – Include evidence written by someone authoritative other than yourself.  Your answer should include a second opinion with more reading links and videos.  When you write it, put yourself in the shoes of someone who believes your answer is wrong, and come up with the questions you’d challenge yourself with.  Answer those if you can.  If you can’t, your answer isn’t done yet.

DBA Kills 8 in Workplace Violence – Kills queries, that is.  Wanted to make a joke out of this, but with as much violence as we had this year, there just wasn’t a good time to do it.

What if SQL Azure Pulls a Silverlight?  Microsoft has yanked a few products recently under strange circumstances – SilverlightKin, and Windows Home Server come to mind.  SQL Azure isn’t even the name for it anymore – the current mysterious name is Windows Azure SQL Database.  I don’t have any inside information, but I also don’t have any warm-and-fuzzy feelings about where this thing is going, or how fast.  Everything I’m hearing about SQL Azure, I’d also heard about Silverlight on the way up – before Microsoft dramatically yanked the handbrake.

Conference Prerequisites – Before you spent thousands of dollars to go to an in-person conference, here’s a set of basic training videos you should watch.  Think of it as a technology primer that will help you get the most out of your training.  I’m blown away by how many people come up to me at a conference asking questions that are covered in really good free online videos.  They’re not necessarily simple questions, but there’s great free resources online for the most common database questions.

What Would A Developer Do? – I love developers because they rarely hit the same infrastructure problem three times in a row.  By the second time they’ve seen a problem, they’re writing a script or a tool or a process to make it go away permanently.  Database administrators could learn a lot from that.

How James Brown Would Back Up Databases – Funk music is all about the rhythm, and so are database backups. Multiple servers are like multiple band members; they can’t all shout out at the same time.  Get on up!

MacBook Pro Retina Review – I really wanted to write this but couldn’t ever come up with anything better than, “It’s amazing, and you deserve it.”  It’s now the only computer I use.  It’s even replaced my Ikea datacenter because I can run a full-blown cluster on it complete with domain controllers.

What Are You In It For – And How Can You Get More of That? – When I was a database administrator, I loved the troubleshooting, tuning, and teaching.  I got lucky to get an evangelist gig for Quest Software doing more of those three things, and I just absolutely loved that work.  Identifying what you love helps you take that next step.

For more ideas, check out the Blog Posts I Couldn’t Develop in 2011.